I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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