His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
