Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
