No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
