I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
