I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
