my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
