Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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