I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
