i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
