Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
