I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
