put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
