dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
