His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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