I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
