How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
