you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Four minutes until I can fart!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
