I need to stop coming to work sober
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
