24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
