Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
