I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
