I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
