It's like God shit irony all over that family
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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