There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
