youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
