u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
