Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
