we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
