hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
