guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
