This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
