I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have aggressive nipples.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
