Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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