she was so not down for the gang bang
our cab driver is having phone sex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
