elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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