someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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