Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
