doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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