he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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