omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
