Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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