you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
