just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
