That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
