Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
