Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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