I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
