hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
