I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
