4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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