Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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