Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you had me at cake vodka
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
