"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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