I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
