if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
