glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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