I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
