Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
